God wants our honesty, our heart, us

Job 10: 2-7, The Message

Here’s what I want to say: Don’t, God, bring in a verdict of guilty   without letting me know the charges you’re bringing. How does this fit into what you once called ‘good’ -   giving me a hard time, spurning me,   a life you shaped by your very own hands,   and then blessing the plots of the wicked? You don’t look at things the way we mortals do.   You’re not taken in by appearances, are you? Unlike us, you’re not working against a deadline.   You have all eternity to work things out. So what’s this all about, anyway - this compulsion   to dig up some dirt, to find some skeleton in my closet? You know good and well I’m not guilty.   You also know no one can help me.

I’ve spent far too long reading and rereading Job in the NIV, NRSV and the ESV trying to understand what Job is going on about--I should have started with the message! This translation of Job 10 makes a lot of sense to me. Job is in the middle of conversing with God, angry and upset at what God is needlessly putting him through. All his friends are offering classic Jewish arguments to explain why Job is in the place he’s in, but Job knows that he hasn't done anything wrong. The traditional theological apologetics don’t cut the mustard; the theology does not match up with Job's experience. How many times have we overlooked someone’s experience of God in this world and just quoted scripture or theology hoping they would feel comforted, or understood, or turn to trust in God?  There are obviously instances where this is appropriate and has been a comfort, but when someone is in anguish and can’t see why, the theology that they likely already know may not be sustaining them anymore. Instead of giving in to his friends apologetics, what does Job do? He bears his soul to God and is honest about how he feels.

The amount of times I’ve been upset with God and called God out like Job is innumerable. Here’s what a few of them have sounded like:

- "I know you exist, but this world is in a mess and if you are supposed to be in charge I don’t like you."

- "You show us that you like to heal, so I’m not giving up; you need to heal."

- "You say that you like to meet with people, so why aren’t you showing up?!"

- "This person is hungry to know you, but you aren’t meeting them—what are you doing?!"

- "You say the harvest is plenty, so where is it?"

Each of those sentences has assumed theology drawn from scripture, tradition, and experience behind it, but I’m not here to unpack that this week. My point is that we are allowed to be honest about our emotions with God, especially when the theology that’s being espoused doesn’t cut the mustard. I had this beautiful experience of God following the death of my mum about 16 years ago. She died suddenly at the age of 57, and I was pregnant with my first child at the time. My mum had gone, and a year or so later I watched two films, the first ‘the kite runner’ and the second one on the Dalits in India. That’s where the first statement on my list came from, and one that I often repeat, in various different formations, today. What was beautiful is that after I said it, I went to bed, uncertain if I was still going to follow Jesus, and the next day I woke up with a sense of knowing, deep inside my soul that God had said to me, ‘You trust that I died and rose for you; the rest we can work out together’. God didn’t want me to sit and work out my suffering apologetics; God wanted my honesty, my heart, and me. God wants your honesty, your heart, you.

Our walk with God is a constant conversation, one that recognises who God is and who we are. Being a theologian, however much it pains me to say, God doesn't want our theological apologetics, God wants a relationship. It's out of this place that a continuous relational theological conversation can flow. I think Job knew this.

In rural ministry, in the midst of mission – those times when the harvest is not plentiful, people are not being healed, nor coming to know Jesus and our personal lives are a mess, theological apologetics may not be the answer. Let's be like Job, and bring our emotions, our thoughts and our pain before God. God wants our honesty, our heart, us.

The Bible project video on Job has helped with this reflection: (bibleproject.com/explore/video/job)

Jo Allen

Director South West